Music Video of the Day: The extraordinary new video for “Parler le fracas,” by French hip-hop group Le Peuple de l’Herbe, “channels Orwell’s Animal Farm, updated for the Occupy Wall Street era. Pigs in riot police gear face off with disenfranchised industrial workers — a goose, a chameleon, and hundreds of other small animals who combine forces to create a Godzilla-like monster.”
Prepare to be amazed.
[atlantic]
Say What Now of the Day: Pastor Charles L. Worley of Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, North Carolina, went on an anti-President Obama rant earlier this month during a sermon. Then he got off topic:
I figured a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers. Build a great, big, large fence — 150- or 100-mile-long — put all the lesbians in there… Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals and have that fence electrified so they can’t get out… And you know what, in a few years, they’ll die.
He ended his sermon with this thought:
God have mercy. It makes me pukin’ sick to think about — I don’t even whether or not to say this in the pulpit — can you imagine kissing some man?
Notice the “Amens” from the congregation throughout.
BULLSHIT ROMANCE: LIES EVERYONE TELLS ON DATING SITES - by Brian Moylan
Romantic relationships are just a litany of lies. “Sure, I’d love to see a Katherine Heigl movie.” “No, it’s not creepy at all that your dad touched my thigh like that.” “I swear I never fucked that chick. We’re just, like, you know, friends.” But before you shack up with a partner and the pants are really on fire, we have to get through that festering sore of omissions, obfuscations, half-truths, and fabrications that is the online dating profile.
Everyone’s dating profile—whether it’s on Match.com, OKCupid, Manhunt, Grindr, Craigslist (which is for people who are either looking to date hookers or find new futons for their dingy apartments), JDate, eHarmony, or even the bulletin board at your grandmother’s church—is full of fucking shit. Everyone is so scared that if they tell the world about eating peanut butter right out of the jar with chocolate Teddy Grahams while watchingReal Sex reruns at 2 AM, no one will meet them for cheap Pad Thai and cheaper conversations about what school they went toand how many siblings they have.
Unfortunately, if you do somehow manage to trick another human into meeting you IRL, your failings will be readily apparent. The cat will be out of the proverbial bag, and no one will be getting any pussy (or dick, as the case may be). To make life easier, I’m going to break down the biggest lies that everyone tells on their profiles. You’ve been warned.
Pictures
Everyone’s pictures are absolute bullshit. But, like unhappy families, they’re all bullshit in their own way. There are a lot like this one, which is so vague and washed out that the girl’s face might as well be a blank Etch-a-Sketch (that’s not gonna turn anyone’s knobs), and then there are the guys whose photos only contain hats and cut off right before the hairline (bald), the ones with woefully out of date clothing (old), the girl who only shoots herself from the tits up (fat), and the pictures that look like they’re reproductions of screen grabs from a Geocities site circa 1998 (bald/old/fat/serial killer). Everyone is trying to look their best, so they’re editing pictures that will present some ideal version of themselves that either never existed or is long gone. Only believe the nastiest picture in the profile, and multiply that picture by a factor of two in terms of ugliness. That’s what will show up at your front door.
Music
More people think that their musical preferences are what others will reference when deciding if they are cool, educated, expansive, and generally with it. Therefore, filling out the musical interests section on dating sites is like making a mix-tape for a deaf person, because it is all a pack of lies. The only people really into jazz are old black men, so if someone lists that on their profile they’re just trying to be like that dude in that episode ofSex in the City who fucks Carrie real good and then gets dumped. And if they say, like this guy, that they ‘like everything,’ then they are the blandest, most milquetoast motherfucker imaginable who won’t cop to his complete collection of Eminem singles and Dave Matthews bootlegs (also, he’s probably a premature ejaculator). Seriously, when is the last time this guy listened to Mozart when he wasn’t riding in an elevator or sitting on hold? And there is no way one person likes every hip band. They don’t all go together.
Weight
This one is a bit tricky, because some sites don’t require members to list their weight in actual pounds. Instead, they let them play with reality by picking ‘slender,’ ‘full-figured,’ ‘must be removed from apartment by crane’ or some other silly adjective from a pull-down menu. These are all subjective. Just because a guy lists his body as ‘athletic’ and then shows up with a gut the size of the Japanese GDP doesn’t mean he was lying. After all, sumo wrestling is a sport. Look at this girl, she lists herself as ‘slender’ but doesn’t show a picture of herself below the neck. Danger, danger Will Robinson! She might have been slender when those pictures were taken five years ago. Without anything to verify that she is indeed a size 2, just go ahead and assume she’s gonna show up with a FUPA. That’s what you’re signing up for.
TISSUE.
Where The Wild Things Are aka Where The Cholas At?
Derek has a solo show, “Dead Man’s Tales,” opening this Friday May 11th at Roq La Rue Gallery in Seattle, Washington.
“Adventure Time and Regular Show are the only shows of today that have managed to capture the magic of the shows of yesterday.”
